I met with a Doctor a couple of days back and he said something that I have chosen to ignore. I only mention that he was an Doctor as it adds some gravitas to the person who made the statement. He had asked me about Kelly’s passing and how many children we had. First I mentioned that I had a daughter aged 10. Next I mentioned I had a son aged 7. His response, “Ah! He is the one that is going to be messed up by this”. I think I nodded and said something along the lines of “yeah, I need to keep an eye on him”. I didn’t think a debate about hypothetical outcomes would have been appropriate under the circumstances.
The Doctor had a personal story about the loss of his mother to cancer and explained that his own younger brothers hadn’t turned out as well as he had. It was a touching story and he clearly cared for them all. The thing about the statement was the conviction with which it was said. There appeared to be no hesitation or hint of disbelief in his premise. It was true for him and therefore for everybody else. It was one of those scenario’s where somebody says something and then look you in the eye knowingly. In his mind, this wasn’t going to end well for the younger brother.
The thing about the statement is that it could become the classic example of the self fulfilling prophecy. This struck me immediately and I chose to deliberate on it as it I feel that the concept is one that can be flipped on its head. Yes, there is a prophecy that could be fulfilled. It is one where Ethan turns out great. It is one where my positive energy, love and presence ensures that he does just fine. He is ultimately happy and content and satisfied. That is the outcome that I choose to direct my energy into and believe. That is my own prophecy.
If you read the literature about the self fulfilling prophecy, it is clear it is a complex thing. How much is in the power of the believer, and how much is in the power of the receiver? All I know is that should I have chosen to take on the debate, I might have said something like this “It’s interesting you say that but I believe that every scenario is different, every family is different, every person is different. I strongly believe that the kids will turn out alright. Yes, they are going to have some issues and tough times but I am confident that this is going to make them stronger and more resilient.” It’s going to be interesting to see whose prophecy comes true. Doctor dread or myself. I suspect I already know the answer.