Ethan and I had a conversation in the car home from parkour. I forget what triggered the discussion, but we started talking about how he felt about the day that mummy died. As he has got older and his vocabulary has grown, it has been fascinating to get a deeper insight into his emotions and views on the topic. In this case, he explained that he was ’50/50′ in terms of it being a sad day and a happy day. “Happy?” I thought. That is an interesting emotion to refer to under the circumstance. I had to probe a little further.
“It was a sad day because it was the day Mummy died!”. The look on Ethan’s face showed that this should have been obvious. “Yes, of course” I said, “but why were you happy?”. “Well,” he started, “because after that I met Ada*”. (Ada is the children’s au pair, and a person that has come to be of great assistance to the children and myself). “That makes perfect sense” I responded. “You probably wouldn’t have met Ada if mummy hadn’t passed away”. The discussion moved on and we continued the drive home.
Thinking about it later, I reflected that Ethan’s explanation was less about the day that mummy died, and more about his outlook on the scenario as a whole. To say it differently, it was a very sad life event, but Ethan does recognise some positives that have come from it. It is re-assuring to know this as it speaks to resilience. And resilience is a critical requirement for a longer-term healthy outcome. It is also good know that he likes the au pair…thankfully we made the right decision on that front too.
One year later and life has moved on. That thought alone makes me very sad when I think too hard on it. I keep reminding myself that we have to keep pressing forward. We have to choose to see the 50% that offers positivity and happiness. It helps me to think that we are not leaving Kelly behind. It is that we are bringing her with us in a different capacity. I think that the Kelly would have appreciated that.
*Ada is not the au pairs real name.