I am somebody who keeps a promise and the kids and I have an understanding. If I make a “pinky promise” then it will be kept. The “pinky” handshake says that it will be so. It forces accountability and ensures that a deep level trust is fostered and fulfilled. I made a statement at Kelly’s memorial event that was an equivalent of an internal pinky promise and therefore it had to be kept.
Kelly loved to run. It was something that was part of her and to be accepted. We used to plan schedules around times that were available for her to get her run in. At her memorial I suggested that I would arrange a memorial run on her birthday for those who might like to come together in her honour and share in an activity she loved. The day came and the memorial event was more special than I could have hoped for.
What started as a plan for a group of us to go on a fun run together, turned into a walk with our family and friends around a dam. It was very informal but made special by the number of friends, families and pets that turned up. A thoughtful and creative friend brought ‘gifts’ that bonded us together. These were little plastic letter ‘K’s that we could tie to our shoes. The kids had a blast running around with their friends and I felt honoured to be able to show some gratitude by treating the gathering to a coffee and some breakfast after. On a more profound level, those of us who feel Kelly’s loss most deeply were uplifted by the turn out. It says so much for the quality of our friendship community and also Kelly herself.
“Pinkie promises” are sometimes hard to keep. They require effort and commitment. Sometimes you wish you hadn’t made them. I felt that way about the memorial walk in the lead up to it. I was unsure about how widely it would be received and whether it was a good idea at all. I worried that people would feel obligated to attend something that didn’t have the same meaning to them, as it did to me. Looking back I can see that the detail was irrelevant. What mattered was that I kept the promise and the rest would look after itself. It certainly did.